No matter how thrilling life is, how important I feel this movement is, or how blessed I am with rich colourful experiences… I often find myself completely bemused by the millions of the questions and ideas that cross my mind
At times i feel rather blessed with this overactive inquisition – why would i not want to see the colours and feel what is there to be experienced ?
but on the flipside – at times it compleatly overwhelms me.
I find it incredibly telling that I have this constant need to mentally organise my thoughts (blog anyone?!). Environment, ethics, gender, activism, friendship, relationships….spirituality…. expression…. music …. Dare I go on forever?
It comes down to this,
its all interconnected.
Ya….I know … I know it just sounds like another hippy rant….
But truly and completely… everything relates to everything else.
I was allowing myself to feel this strange sense of panic the other day at my need for others to help me, to prop me up when I was feeling low. I felt frustrated that I couldn’t look after my own mental health and be self sufficient. It bothered me a lot. i wasn’t being a “sustainable” person!
i was online (as i am alot) and I messaged one of my mentours and he replied simply
There is ONLY inter-dependent, the self as separate entity is a myth, no such thing exists. We are the Two legged nation, we only exist and have meaning as part of fabric of humanity and all creatures and all creation.
Whoa, way to bring me back to earth. I truly am blessed to be present to such a level of understanding across our so-called boundaries.
Either way, when it comes down to it, this really is the most daunting of predicaments, and the most inspiring.
Here is my question …
When to ponder? Think? Inquire? Learn? Feel? Even when it is scary and daunting and avoidable? When to open up our hearts to pain and joy? You can’t exactly filter out one or the other, it kind of defeats the purpose of the experience.
All the time?
untill you are full up?
only when you like it? (lets only experience things that are warm and fuzzy and safe?!)
So here is my next question
When to caution? Protect? Relax? Nurture and Cocoon?
to say ENOUGH with all this intensity of life… i need a break
its a brilliant thing how you come to find the wisdom in which you need right then and there… on my friends blog i came to read this…
I beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answers…
its all really just a big adventure 
